RT @BoringEnormous: When you don't even know what's broken yet but he's already taking legal advice. https://t.co/7tEFSAvkjJ
So, just confirming, little flush button on the loo is for wee, big flush button for poo? Is that how it works?
Another throwback to when the only two Chinas were cast as twins. #Chink1 and #Chink2 https://t.co/1DvwhrrjU6
Throwback to when I looked better in it than Grandma Chinese does. https://t.co/XxE2oYYw2t
Pretty sure you're gonna need a bigger suitcase, Mum. And likely you won't fit in the overhead… https://t.co/XCdFZszNZy
Why are the cockroaches so massive here! 😳 And they look weird too. Like tiny pissed off Kim Jong Un's.
Almost 10 hour day from NZ to the Gold Coast. Wake up to this view. A wee bit sexy. Wonder if they allow pork dumpl… https://t.co/fCfL4EG5Pf
This day in 2014 I posted: "Let's all just pretend Robin Williams got sucked into Jumanji again. We'll see him in 26 years, don't worry."
Arrived in the Goldie. Two things... 1- The Internet here is shite. A whopping 1Mbps where I am. 2- The cockroaches are massive.
Oooh son that can't be comfortable.... you'll feel that when you wake up. https://t.co/ASMpu7FPBm
When the Mother-in-law makes you pick up 15 then says "up ya ass!" 😳 https://t.co/yNwoLv4JkQ
Off to a great start. #PNTaxis fucked up and didnt bother to tell us until we standing on the road waiting for them 🙄
Thinking of shaving my head as soon as the beard comes in.... in 20 years time 🙄 #AsianGenes
RT @richardosman: We all have a friend who is almost always right, and a friend who is almost always wrong. Both equally useful.
Jumping the ditch for a bit of a holiday... bit of a wedding... bit of escaping dumbass people. #chow https://t.co/TMW3u214Ds
Should I be worried at whatever sanitation ritual my wife is performing right now? I may or may not be aroused. https://t.co/8ygqToejzk
Got called a 'reverse pimp' by the wife today for my black suit with white tie and shoes combo. I can live with that.
RT @rickygervais: I keep forgetting that it's impossible to have a logical argument with someone who doesn't respect logic.
RT @RonJichardson: The lies have gone too far, someone must speak out. Avocado tastes like a dick that has been buried for 10yrs next to a…
Grandma: how are you Lachlan?
Lachlan: good.
Me: 😱
Grandma: what did u do 2day?
Lachlan: good.
Me: 😒
Almost had it kid; almost.
Grandma: Where r yr dogs going wen ur away?
Mandy: A dog rest home.
Me: ....A KENNEL! NOT A DOG REST HOME! THEY'RE NOT DYING...
Who needs a licensed Yum Cha restaurant when you have #onlyfullchinese Grandparents making you a real Chinky Chink brunch #LittleBitRacist 🍛
I wonder at what point the rest of my beard will set in 🤔I may have to whip out the HB pencil in the interim. #AsianGenes